


An Unknown Future

by TeaGirl42



Category: The X-Files
Genre: AU, Cancer Arc (X-Files), F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-15 13:59:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18074726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaGirl42/pseuds/TeaGirl42
Summary: Set after Scully returned to work following her cancer diagnosis...AU from there out





	1. Lucy

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a little break from writing fanfic so I'm starting back with a short story...I will return to my long deserted on-going fic in a few weeks.

The first time it happened Mulder was damn near clueless.

He was sat in his office doing some end of the day filing when Scully turned up unexpectedly with an old friend from med school.

She laughed and joked with  _Lucy,_  teased him a little about the state of the office…but then started to make unsubtle comments towards her friend.

"Mulder is  _great_  with children," she smiled at Lucy enthusiastically and then glanced quickly at Mulder before continuing. "He's also a pretty good cook, considering…"

Lucy laughed politely and grinned at Mulder, "A  _pretty good_ cook, Fox?"

Mulder smiled awkwardly, not wanting to be rude to Scully's friend but also a little thrown by the direction this conversation was taking. " _Mulder_ …please. I really do prefer Mulder…"

"Mulder?" Lucy asked with a little surprise. "So that's not just a partner thing? I had assumed a professional courtesy…"

Mulder laughed warmly and shook his head; he pushed back his chair a little a then looked over at Scully and rolled his eyes. He smiled back at Lucy politely, "I think Scully and I are a little  _past_  'professional courtesy'".

Scully looked at the floor and Mulder was surprised to see her flush a little.

Lucy followed Mulder's gaze and then frowned, "You look a little flushed, Dana. Do you need to sit down?"

"I could get you some water?" Mulder offered quickly and began to stand.

 _"Sit!"_  Scully snapped sharply and Mulder was so shocked he fell back into his chair. She closed her eyes with embarrassment and then looked at Mulder apologetically, "I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean to be so rude, it's just a little headache…the chemo can…well…I guess maybe I'm a little drained."

"You've been drinking plenty?" Lucy asked and then laughed when Scully looked at her with a patient smile. "Okay, okay…" she held up both of her hands defensively, "….Don't 'doctor' the doctor."

Scully smiled warmly at her friend, "We  _do_  make the worst patients. Mulder can testify to that, he's been so good, but I guess I can be… _defensive_  to help."

Mulder raised his eyes in surprise at Scully's admission and then watched cautiously as she moved to sit perched on the side of his desk.

After a few seconds, Scully took a breath and then smiled at her partner, "So, Lucy is new to the area and I thought she could use a guide. Maybe you two could…"

She trailed off and Mulder glanced up at Lucy to see her smiling at him enthusiastically.

 _"You_  thought…?" Mulder looked between Scully and Lucy, a sickening realisation causing a sudden hollow feeling in his belly. Was Scully actually trying to set him up with her  _friend?_ He winced a little and then looked at Scully.

"You're not feeling so good, eh?" He asked, clearly ignoring her suggestion entirely.

"I'm  _fine,_  Mulder," Scully said firmly and then looked at his exasperated expression and shrugged. "Okay, I've felt better, but I'm okay. I'll get a cab home, you two could…"

"You need to eat…" Mulder said with an unusually soft tone, especially considering they had company.

Lucy watched Mulder stand and then walk to Scully and rest the back of his hand on her forehead.

"You're a little hot…" He observed with concern and gnawed lightly on his bottom lip.

Scully's eyes came up and connected with his, "I'm…"

Mulder stopped her, "If you tell me you're fine  _one more time…_ " he warned gently.

"You and Lucy…" Scully tried again.

He looked over at Lucy and smiled at her blandly before moving his eyes back to Scully, "I'm sure when you're feeling better your friend would much rather get a guided tour from you. In the meantime, I know that Lucy will understand when I say that  _you_ are my only priority right now."

Scully looked at Lucy awkwardly, "I really would be okay…"

Lucy smiled warmly at her old college friend and shook her head, "Dana,  _your_  partner is quite right, he wants to support you right now…and I wouldn't…and clearly  _couldn't_ …come between that."

Although she wanted to argue Scully suddenly realised that she didn't have the energy.

Mulder picked up his jacket, "Lucy, of course, you're welcome to join us…"

Lucy smiled at Fox Mulder's wholly welcome hijacking of her friend's evening and shook her head, "I am staying in town though, and Dana doesn't have her car...I would appreciate a ride?."

He nodded, "Of course."

"I feel bad," Scully said apologetically. "Maybe another night the two of you could…"

Lucy held up her hand to stop Scully from talking, this had already been awkward enough. Dana Scully had often been oblivious to the attention of men in college, but this was painful to watch. This man was clearly in love with her and Dana was still trying to set them up!

It was  _tragic._

"I…I think maybe you and I should have that catch up in a week or so when you're feeling a little better," Lucy suggested diplomatically.

Mulder held open the door for both ladies and then the three of them walked towards the elevator.

"You  _do_ need to eat," Mulder observed again. "I'll drop Lucy off, then drop you at home before I go get some groceries for dinner. What do you feel like eating? Maybe a little pasta?"

The elevator closed and Scully smiled gratefully, "Mulder, you really don't have to…" she started to argue.

Mulder chuckled and absentmindedly ran his hand gently over the small of Scully's back, "Hey, you were the one who said I could cook, don't tell me you weren't  _hinting…"_

Lucy smiled, rolled her eyes and looked to the ceiling. She loved her friend dearly, but Dana clearly was fucking clueless.

 


	2. Catherine

The second time Mulder was the world's worst date.

Mulder turned up a little early and straighten his tie in the reflection of the restaurant window as he nervously glanced inside to see if she had arrived yet.

He saw Catherine Hanson from the lab sitting at a table near the window and was surprised when she smiled at him with recognition and waved.

Mulder walked in and over towards her table, "Hello, Catherine. Have you seen Scully? We're meant to be meeting here at eight for…"

Catherine grinned, "I hate to break it to you, Agent Mulder, but I think you've been set up."

Mulder looked comically confused, "Set up?"

"You know… _set up_ …I think Dana has been playing matchmaker. I mean, she said she had a friend that she wanted to set me up on a date with, but I really had  _no_  idea…"

Catherine was clearly thrilled with the turn of events.

Mulder felt sick to his stomach.

He knew this was not going to be a date per se, but when Scully had suggested they meet for dinner he had been secretly thrilled. They ate together all the time, but they rarely made  _plans_  to meet and go out for purely social reasons. Maybe he had allowed himself to hope…

Mulder felt a startling lump in his throat and then he noticed the disheartened look on Catherine's face.

"You're  _disappointed?"_  Catherine asked sadly.

"No! No…no…of course not…" Mulder said quickly and rushed to sit down, genuinely not wanted to hurt his co-worker's feelings.

"You  _hardly_  look thrilled," Catherine observed and laughed awkwardly.

"No, I was just…I was expecting…I guess I was…"

Mulder uncharacteristically stumbled over his words and then Catherine gasped and brought her hand up to cover her mouth.

"Oh God, you were  _really_  expecting Dana, weren't you? _"_  Catherine asked sympathetically.

Mulder shuffled awkwardly in his seat and looked down at the table.

Catherine took his silence as admission and smiled sadly. "Oh, Mulder… _I'm so sorry_ …"

"I must look like a pretty sad sack right now, eh?" Mulder laughed awkwardly and rolled his eyes.

"You thought Dana had asked you on a date?" Catherine asked. "I thought you guys were pretty close?"

"We  _are._  I guess she's my closest friend…my  _family…"_  Mulder observed a little sadly.

"But you thought she wanted  _more…_ " Catherine finished.

"I don't know what I thought. I thought…" Mulder shrugged. "You know about…?"

"Dana's cancer?" Catherine asked and then nodded.

"The last thing she needs is further complications in her life right now and here's me acting like a…like a…" Mulder stumbled over his words again.

"Lovesick teenager?" Catherine teased lightly and Mulder winced. "Hey, I'm not being cruel, but it sounds like you both need to talk."

A waiter came over and Mulder looked up at Catherine and raised his eyebrows.

Catherine laughed lightly, "How about we have a quick drink? I have some friends I can meet in an hour…reclaim my evening."

Mulder laughed gently, "I'm an  _awful_  date, aren't I?"

She shook her head, "I've had worse than this, Mulder…but turning up to a blind date only to find out that my date is in love with the person who set me up…that's going pretty  _high_ on the list."

"You won't…?" Mulder asked nervously as the waiter went to get them each a glass of red wine.

"Mulder, this is  _your_  business…it's not my place to tell Dana anything," she watched Mulder let out a nervous breath. "However, can I offer you a little unsolicited advice?"

Mulder shrugged and took a sip of his wine.

"You need to talk to your friend. And I mean  _really talk,"_  she suggested seriously.

"My friend? Who is currently sat at home happy in the knowledge that she has set me up on a date with another woman?  _That_ friend?" Mulder suggested dryly, although even saying the words out loud increased his nausea.

"Dana is an honest person…" Catherine started. Mulder raised his eyes and she laughed. "A  _typically_ honest person," she conceded happily. "Would you like to hear some of the adjectives she used when cajoling me into meeting you for this  _world-class_  date?"

Mulder sighed and raised his eyebrows in a half-hearted encouragement for her to continue.

"I can't tell you word for word, but the description certainly included – smart, kind, funny, sincere, generous, passionate… _sexy…_ "

Mulder had been looking down at the table as Catherine spoke but then looked up quickly at the final word, "She said sexy?  _Really?"_

"Really zeroed in on that one, heh?" Catherine laughed. "Actually, I was hesitant at first and she clarified that you were 'gorgeous' and I'd be 'crazy' not to meet with you…"

Mulder licked his bottom lip nervously; scared to start to feel any hope again after the way this evening had turned out.

"That doesn't mean anything, Catherine.  _She_ set us up on a Goddamn date…" Mulder observed and then sighed with barely controlled irritation.

"You're scared?" Catherine inquired calmly.

"Of Scully? Yes, I'm fucking terrified…" Mulder hissed, clearly frustrated, but not angry  _with_ Catherine.

_"Why?"_  Catherine tried again.

"I'm scared…because I don't know if she could ever feel this way about me. I'm scared because I have  _never_ felt this way about anyone and…" Mulder paused and closed his eyes, and then he took a breath and looked fiercely at his colleague. "I'm terrified that she could die, Catherine, because she's  _all_  I have…"

Catherine's eyes welled with tears and she reached across the table to touch his hand gently. "Fox Mulder, you  _need_  to talk to her."

"And if I lose her?" Mulder asked.

Catherine dismissed his concerns, "You  _really_  think Dana would just walk away from you? For  _any_  reason? Especially now? You won't lose her, Mulder. Not willingly. Not over  _this."_

"She could…" Mulder started to talk and then found that he couldn't say the words.

"Mulder, Dana deserves  _better_  than to die never knowing that someone loves her as much as you do."

Mulder shook his head sharply, "This is  _not_  about  _me_."

"Like hell, it's not. You can't be  _that_  much of a fool, Mulder. Dana is ill, but she is still taking time out of her days to try and set you up on dates – because she wants  _you_  to be happy. I would say for Dana, _a lot_  of all this is about you."

Catherine stood and walked toward Mulder, she placed her hand softly on his shoulder and bent to gently speak into his ear. "Talk to your friend, tell her how you feel…for her sake even if not your own."

Mulder sighed, "I'm sorry, Catherine. About tonight..."

"I was surprised when I saw you, and I guess a little pleased…" Mulder looked guilty and Catherine rushed to shake her head, "…It was a momentary reaction, agent. Your partner is right, you  _are_  hot…but it's been a  _loooong_  time since anyone at the bureau thought they had a genuine chance with either of you."

Mulder chuckled sadly and stood to shake her hand, "For me at least…I think maybe since that first day. Thank you for being so good about this, I hope you have a good evening with your friends."

"Goodnight, Agent Mulder," Catherine said warmly and then smiled sadly as she walked away from what had honestly been the world's  _worst_  date.

 


	3. Maggie

The third time hurt like hell.

Scully looked up at Mulder cautiously and tried again.

"I thought, I don't know… Catherine's nice, she's smart, funny…" Scully reasoned, "…and you don't date much."

"I'm not sure," Mulder attempted to explain reasonably, "I guess I'm just not sure work is the best place. I mean, dating someone from work."

Scully nodded a little sadly and let out a long breath. She was silent for a moment and then cleared her throat quietly. "So…my mom invited me for lunch next Sunday. The whole nine yards, pot roast, homemade apple pie…"

Mulder smiled kindly and nodded, "Sounds nice, have fun."

She was quiet again for about a minute and then added, "She invited you too, Mulder, I thought it would be nice…"

Mulder was pleased with the thought of spending a quiet Sunday with Scully and her mom and was about to enthusiastically accept the invitation when his partner continued.

"There's a woman coming from her church. She's a teacher, not  _overly_  devout," she smiled at him patiently. "Mom said she's  _really_  great and I think you might like her."

Mulder didn't speak for at least a minute and Scully raised her eyebrows at him.

"Your Mom…" Mulder croaked out quietly, "…your  _Mom_  thinks I'd like her?"

"She mentioned her a few days ago, I asked if she thought the two of you might hit it off. She's my age, tall, dark hair…my mom said she's really quite beautiful…just your type," Scully smiled encouragingly, almost a little too encouragingly.

Mulder was lost for words, for some reason Margaret Scully trying to set him up on a date hurt as much as Scully…possibly even  _more…_ and he didn't entirely understand why.

"I'm not sure I…" He started to reply quietly.

"Not sure you what, Mulder?" Scully teased, the slightly too positive smile still plastered almost nervously across her face. "We've been friends for years, Mulder, and when do you date… _ever?"_

Mulder sighed, "By choice, Scully. If I wanted to date, I could."

"Work will only sustain you so far, Mulder. Everyone needs  _someone,"_  She encouraged.

"No. No they don't. Some people are perfectly happy on their own…" Mulder contended.  _"Some_  people…"

Scully cut in, "Some people, yes. But you need someone,  _you_ need…"

"You've just got through telling me I don't date. So where the hell do you get the idea that I  _need_  anyone?" Mulder snapped a little and then let out a breath before continuing. "I'm  _fine,_  Scully. I  _have_  been fine and I  _will_  be just fine. And if I wanted a date I do not need one of your  _mother's_ choosing...or  _yours."_

"I thought maybe..." Scully shrugged sadly. "You and my mom get on. I can tell you like her, I thought maybe you would…"

"What? Meet this woman you've both  _thoughtfully_  selected? Date a while? Marry? Have two-point-four children? Buy a station wagon and move to the suburbs?" Mulder picked up a file to distract himself and looked at the pages blindly.

"You make that sound so abhorrent, Mulder," Scully observed sadly, "I just thought…"

"You clearly don't know me as well as you seem to think you do," Mulder snapped again, mostly because Scully was the  _only_  person who made any of those domestic scenarios sound alluring.

"I know you, Mulder," Scully asserted firmly, "I  _know_  you."

Mulder looked up at her and saw tears swimming in his partner's eyes. He looked away, unable to face them and bit his lower lip. "You know me," Mulder conceded softly, "maybe right now, I'm just not sure how well I know myself."

Scully looked confused and pained. She started to speak and then seemed to think better of it. "So…?"

He shook his head and looked back at the screen. "Please, Scully, enough..." he whispered softly and they didn't speak for a long while.

Scully didn't bring up the subject of lunch at her mother's again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next three chapters are called 'Amy', 'Dana' and 'Elizabeth'.


	4. Amy

The fourth time Mulder lost his temper.

Mulder walked into the autopsy bay and found his partner just finishing off.

"You've had a long day," he observed softly. "Too long, have you considered delegating these for a while? Give yourself a break?"

Scully looked tired, but she frowned a little and shook her head, "I told you I'm ready for work, and that doesn't mean doing half a job."

Mulder shook his head, "Delegating some of the heavy load is hardly…"

Scully looked at him sharply and Mulder raised his hands defensively, "Okay, okay…I just… _worry._  Am I not allowed to worry about you?"

Scully smiled softly, "Me? Sure. Your partner? Maybe not so much."

" _You_ are my partner, Scully, and whether you approve or not my concern for your wellbeing is not about to change…the best I can do for you is an attempt not to voice those concerns out loud in the workplace."

Scully laughed softly and rolled her eyes. "Thanks," she replied sarcastically, "your 'professionalism' is appreciated."

Mulder grinned. "So I was thinking we could get pizza? Maybe even pick up a movie, as its Friday night!"

Scully looked confused. "I thought..." she started carefully, "…I assumed you had a  _date."_

He looked baffled, "Why would you  _assume_ that?"

"I was…I mean, I came down to the office at lunchtime before I started this. I heard…" Scully stumbled over her words.

Mulder shook his head for a second, having completely forgotten his recent visit, and then raised his eyebrows and nodded, "Amy from upstairs, she brought some paperwork down for us to sign."

"I heard her, Mulder. She asked you out…" Scully said.

"You didn't come in? You just left?" Mulder asked, disappointed that she had been so close but he hadn't seen her.

"I heard you both talking, I didn't want to… _intrude,"_  Scully explained.

Mulder looked surprised and stared at her sharply. "Did you send her down? Did you set that up?"

"What? No, Mulder!  _Of course not!"_  Scully assured. "You made it more than clear that you didn't want my help…"

"I  _clearly_  didn't want your interference," Mulder snapped, "but that doesn't seem to have stopped you!"

"Mulder, please…I'm  _so_  tired…" Scully said quietly and turned towards the sink to wash her hands.

" _Now_  you're tired? Now that you don't want to talk about this? How convenient," Mulder hissed quietly.

"It  _is_  possible that you could get a date without my help, Mulder!" Scully growled back at him through her teeth. "You're hardly repulsive!"

" _Hardly repulsive?_ Gee, thanks, Scully, you sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself!" Mulder laughed sarcastically and turned away. "Maybe you could get your mother to needlepoint that on a cushion for me."

"Mulder…" Scully said weakly but then stopped.

"I just wanted a quiet night in? Is that  _really_ too much to ask?" Mulder inquired with clear frustration.

"Too much to ask?" Scully turned to face him, "I'm not turning you away here; I'm just suggesting that you might like to  _expand_  your circle. It's not healthy, to be alone so much."

Mulder scowled, "I'm not alone, Scully! I'm with you! I'm  _always_  with you!"

"And what about when I'm not here anymore?!" Scully shouted angrily. "What about when I'm gone? Then who will you have?"

Every angry thought vanished from Mulder's head in that second, his mind cleared completely and he finally took the time to see the pain in Scully's eyes. He felt the situations and words of the last few weeks recalibrate in his head and his heart clenched.

"Is that why you're doing this?" Mulder asked quietly, "you're trying to find me, someone?"

Scully closed her eyes tightly and shook her head, "We  _all_  need someone, Mulder," she reasoned softly.

"I do," Mulder conceded, ", I need  _you,_  not a substitute"

"You need…" Scully started to argue and Mulder shook his head sharply.

"Please, Scully,  _please_ don't do this to me…this is hard enough…" Mulder tried to explain but tears gripped his throat and he looked away from his partner with frustration.

Scully's jaw dropped a little and tears automatically flooded her eyes at Mulder's obvious distress. "Mulder…" She said softly and took a step closer.

 _"Please!"_  Mulder hissed and moved away. "I understand, I do…I'm just asking you to stop. You're a good friend, the most important person in my life, and I  _appreciate_  your concern…just…please,  _don't_ …"

Scully stepped closer again and placed a hand softly on his upper arm. "Mulder?"

"You're worried. You think I won't cope if you…" Mulder shook his head at the thought and then looked at her with palpable pain. "You can't  _fix_  that, Scully...you can't make that okay.  _Nothing_  could ever make that okay."

"I need to know you'll be okay," Scully explained softly.

"Well, I can't give you that, Scully. I want to be able to lie, to make you feel better and assure you I'll be fine. That it would hurt, but in time I would move on…but I can't  _give_  you that, because I don't know how."

"Mulder, time can…" Scully tried to reason.

Mulder glared, "Time can what? Heel wounds? Make everything okay? Could time do that for me, Scully? Because you are all I have. Time won't  _change_  that."

"If you opened your heart..." Scully maintained, her own heart beating so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest.

Mulder breathed in through his nose and held her gaze firmly; "You want me to  _date?_  You want me to deal with this by  _fucking_ my way through the bureau? You think that would…"

 _"Mulder!"_  Scully hissed painfully and closed her eyes.

Mulder instantly regretted his tone. This was not Scully's fault.  _None_  of this was her fault.

"Scully, I'm sorry…" He placed a palm on her cheek softly and encouraged her to open her eyes and look at him. "If I  _lose_ you…" He shook his head trying to find the words, "You can't protect me from that, Scully."

"You can't be…" Scully tried to explain.

"Alone?" Mulder asked.

She nodded sadly.

"I was alone before, Scully - and no one could ever fill the gap that you would leave in my life."

Scully started to speak but Mulder moved his thumb over her lips to stop her words.

"You can't  _protect_ me from this," Mulder repeated softly.

A single tear rolled down Scully's cheek and then slowly over the back of his hand.

"I'm not asking you to be any more than you can offer, I'm just asking you to give me what you can…and accept that I will  _never_ want anything more than that," he tried to explain.

Scully looked a little confused.

"Can you give that to me, Scully? _"_  Mulder asked, his face so close that his warm breath flowed over her lips and taunted her.

Scully was frozen in place.

"Can you just let me be  _with_ you? Let me be your friend? Let me spend time with you…" his voice dropped a little, "…let me _love_ you, asking  _nothing_  in return?"

Another tear slid down her face and Scully blinked wordlessly.

"I'll give you some time," Mulder whispered, "you don't need me causing more drama."

"I will  _always_  need you," Scully replied so quietly he could barely hear her.

Mulder smiled sadly. "I'll give you some time," he repeated.

"Come to mine. Tonight at eight," Scully's words sounded forced.

"You don't have to…" Mulder tried to argue.

"Eight," Scully insisted with a weak smile. "You said you'd give me  _anything."_

Mulder winced a little and then nodded.

"Pepperoni, mushrooms and onions," Scully requested softly.

He frowned with apparent confusion.

"On our pizza; pepperoni, mushrooms and onions," Scully explained.

"I actually think that  _I_  might need some time," Mulder started to reason.

Scully shook her head gently, "No, Mulder, not this time."

 


	5. Dana

The fourth time Dana Scully  _finally_  got it right.

By the time Mulder arrived at hers a little before 8 pm that evening, Dana Scully had managed to work herself up into a nervous wreck.

She chatted in a highly un-Scully like manner at her partner as they both walk towards the kitchen area and then watched as Mulder emptied various ingredients onto her worktop. Fresh pizza dough, tomatoes, garlic, fresh herbs, mushrooms, onions, peppers, olive oil, a stick of pepperoni inside a little string bag.

"I didn't expect…" Scully looked at all the ingredients with surprise. "I  _honestly_ expected you to just pick one up on the way."

Mulder had been focused on the items on the counter but looked up at her nervously now and smiled, "Only the best for  _my_  Scully…" he chuckled awkwardly and opened a drawer to look for a sharp knife.

Scully felt her stomach turnover and a sudden hot flush through her body. She felt a sudden rush of bravery and quietly asked, "And am I?  _Your_  Scully?"

Mulder had just sliced a knife into one of the onions but looked up at her sharply now and raised his eyebrows. " _Always._ You'll always be mine…even if that's only ever inside my own heart."

Scully shuddered at the sure tone in Mulder's voice and closed her eyes; he was fighting past her strong resistance and ripping down the carefully reinforced walls around her heart. "Lucy called me the other day after she came to the office…"

Mulder looked up at her again but said nothing.

"She called me  _clueless,"_  Scully said softly, "…but I'm really not, and I'm not sure I have been for a while."

"Scully…" Mulder started to speak but she held up her hand asking him to wait.

"I don't know when I knew, when I was  _sure.._."

Mulder looked confused.

"What am I meant to do here, Mulder? My cancer could kill me; we both know that…how can I offer you  _everything_ and then have to watch you as I slip away? No-one has ever…"

Mulder had dropped the knife and was looking at her with laser focus, his breaths coming short and fast. "No-one has ever  _what?"_

Scully closed her eyes tightly and let out a sharp breath of frustration as she swiped a couple of tears from her cheeks. She looked back up at her partner and angrily snapped, "No one could ever love you the way I do, Mulder! I believe that more than I have ever believed anything…but how am I meant to offer you my love only to know that it could all be taken away, that my cancer is going to…" Scully fell forward a little and braced herself on the counter.

Mulder whispered breathlessly, "You're… _in love_  with me?"

She looked up and smiled at him through her tears and nodded, "I am  _so_  in love with you, Mulder, and I thought I was strong enough for the both of us…that I could  _protect_  you from the additional pain of losing me, knowing that I return your feelings."

Mulder frowned, "You _knew_  that I am in love with you?"

Scully nodded and looked back down at the counter.

"Jesus Scully, that's  _really_  fucking cruel," Mulder hissed furiously.

 _"Mulder…"_  Scully whispered.

"You knew how much I love you, you could see my pain…you even reciprocated those feelings…but  _you_  made the choice to keep that from me? To watch me suffering and do nothing?"

"You think I didn't want to go to you? To ask you to hold me? You think  _I'm_  not in pain?" Scully cried. "How was I meant to face giving you everything only to know that there was nothing I could do to protect you?"

Mulder let out a long breath, "That's insulting, Scully. I'm not a  _child_ in need of your protection, who can't…"

Scully laughed sardonically, "Don't be so obtuse, Mulder. You push me away all the time, run off on some wild goose chase and leave me tilting in the wind trying to find you."

"Never like this, Scully. I never denied you this…I would  _never…_ " Mulder argued painfully.

"You never shared your feelings, Mulder, you never told me," Scully maintained.

"I'll believe in anything, Scully…you know that…I'll put my faith in a hopeless cause and fight for it until my last breath. Even when my own logic tells me I can never win." Mulder held her gaze now. "But I have  _never_ found love, and I  _never_ let myself believe that someone I loved so completely could ever love me in return."

 _"Mulder…"_  Scully's voice cracked.

"…And you would have willingly taken that to your grave? Left me grieving you… without ever really knowing what it felt like to  _have_  you?"

"I thought if you could meet someone else…" Scully reasoned pathetically, knowing how stupid her words sounded, even in her own head.

"Fuck, Scully! I don't need a woman! You think getting me  _laid_  will somehow make this better?" He hissed.

Scully sobbed a little, "Would knowing I love you, knowing I could give you everything…only for me to…" she paused, "…you think that would be any better?"

 _"Better?"_  Mulder asked with wonder, but then watching her tears fall he could no longer stay away and walked around the counter towards her. "If I lose you,  _nothing_ could ever make that better, but to get to love you first…to  _really_  love you…" he ran his fingers gently over the back of her neck and tilted her eyes up to meet his, "…I would give  _everything_  for five minutes with you."

Tears flowed down Scully's cheek and she closed her eyes, "I've been  _so_ stupid…" she whispered.

"Hey, you can't be the smart one all the time…" Mulder murmured softly.

Scully heard the warmth in his voice and her heart clenched.

She opened her eyes again and smiled up at him weakly, "I  _do_  love you…so much."

"Thank God," Mulder replied simply.

"God?" Scully's smile broadened.

"Well, as she's on 'Team Scully' I should at  _least_ be polite."

Scully chuckled and then held her breath as Mulder moved closer. He glanced down to her lips and then back up at her eyes, "Can I kiss you now?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

Mulder moved closer…but then just as his lips were about to touch hers Scully turned sharply covered her mouth and ran out of the room.

He looked shocked and hurt for a few seconds, and then his heart sunk when he heard the unmistakable sound of Scully throwing up in her toilet. He rushed through and dropped to his knees next to her. Combing her hair back off her face gently with his fingers he murmured soft words of comfort, occasionally dipping to kiss her upper back or shoulder.

After about a minute Scully dropped back onto her ass and leaned against her bathtub. Her eyes were watering and a tear ran slowly down her cheek as Mulder reached for some toilet paper and carefully wiped her mouth.

Scully groaned, "You don't need to…" she looked at him gratefully and sighed. "I'm so sorry…"

Mulder smiled, "What are you sorry for? This is not your fault."

"But this isn't exactly how I imagined this evening going…" Scully rolled her neck and then shook her head with exasperation.

"What can I say? I have this effect on the ladies, Scully," he teased with a warm smile, "…I can't help it."

Scully laughed softly and started to stand.

"Hey, hey, wait a minute...what do you need?" Mulder asked quickly and dropped the tissue paper he was holding into the basin before standing.

"Some water?" Scully asked.

"You stay there a minute," Mulder said gently as he flushed the toilet, "I'll be right back."

Mulder returned quickly and sat alongside Scully, also leaning against the bathtub.

"So your dates? Are they always this hot?" Scully asked as she sipped her water slowly.

 _"Never…"_ Mulder replied honestly.

Scully turned to smile at him sadly, "This might not be pretty, Mulder, what you're signing up for..."

Mulder smiled and cupped her cheek gently, "I'll take whatever you have to offer, Scully."

They sat quietly for a few minutes and then Mulder helped her up off the floor and stood close by as she washed her face and then brushed her teeth.

She turned to face him and smiled sheepishly.

 _"Beautiful…"_  Mulder smiled warmly.

Scully blushed a little at Mulder's genuine appraisal.

"You're feeling a little better?" He asked.

Scully nodded.

"No sickness?" He added with concern.

Scully shook her head.

"You should eat. How about you come through and lie on the couch? You can chat with me while I cook us some food?" Mulder suggested.

"So I'm  _forgiven?"_  Scully asked cautiously.

Mulder sighed, "I'm  _still_ angry about the choices you tried to make for us, and I'm  _still_ hurt by some of the assumptions you made about me…"

Scully opened her mouth to talk and Mulder placed two fingertips on lips.

"But I love you…and  _you_  love me…so I'll get over it. And right now I just want to take care of you," Mulder explained softly.

"This isn't how I imagined our first evening together going," Scully grumbled as Mulder walked with her through to the living area.

"I must admit my fantasies certainly involved less clothing and a lot more really hot sex," Mulder teased and then leaned to kiss the side of her neck, just under her ear.

Scully sat with her legs up on her couch and watch Mulder walk back to the kitchen, she continued to watch as he started to cook.

"Want me to put on the TV?" Mulder asked after a few minutes.

Scully smiled and shook her head, "I prefer what's going on in here. I like watching  _you."_

* * *

A few hours later Scully lay quietly with her head resting on Mulder's shoulder.

He glanced down at her and smiled when he saw her eyes closed. He carefully turned off the TV and stood, before lifting her into his arms and walking through towards her bedroom.

Scully stirred and opened her eyes to gaze at him sleepily.

Mulder smiled down at her, "You've barely been able to keep your eyes open all evening."

Scully looked disappointed and then her eyes brightened a little, "We could watch the movie again tomorrow night?"

Mulder smiled warmly, leaned to kiss her forehead softly and then nodded, "Sure, Scully, I could come back tomorrow."

They arrived at her bed and Mulder placed her down to sit on the edge.

She looked up at him, her eyes dancing a little in spite of her obvious exhaustion. "I was thinking that you could stay here with me?" Scully asked hopefully. "It is the weekend…" She added and bit her lip a little.

Mulder's eyes widened in realisation, "You want me to…?" He nodded at the bed behind her.

"We'll need to wait a little, I'm  _so_  tired…" Scully attempted to clarify awkwardly.

He rushed to assure her, " _No!_  No, of course…the thought didn't even enter my head, I swear."

"When we're together for the first time I want to give  _us_ 100%..." Scully smiled, her eyes glowing as she looked up at him with all the love she had fought so hard to conceal.

Mulder's throat seemed to dry out immediately, he coughed and Scully swore he flushed a little, "You're sure? You  _really_ want…?"

Scully laughed, "I love you, Mulder…I know I made some regrettable choices, but if you still want me, and you're  _sure…"_

 _"If_  I still want you?" Mulder laughed and leaned to kiss her lips softly. "I can't remember what it felt like  _not_  to want you!"

She blushed a little, smiled and looked down towards his feet, "So we can wait? Maybe tomorrow?"

"We can wait. I'd wait  _forever_  if you needed to…" Mulder confirmed.

Scully laughed, "I've been waiting to get my hands on you for a long time, and I'm not sure that I have your level of self-control."

Mulder laughed joyfully and dropped to his knees between her legs. "This is it? Really? You and me?"

"Forever," Scully assured firmly. "However long that turns out to be."

"I'll take the next 50 years," Mulder grinned.

Scully's eyes suddenly saddened, "Mulder…" she cautioned.

Mulder's hands gripped her's tight, "I can promise you this much, I will love you for the rest of my life."

On their first night together Mulder carefully helped Scully change. At her insistence, he removed his undershirt, and she smiled radiantly when he helped her to slip it over her head.

They both climbed into bed together, Scully curled into his side, her head on his shoulder and his arms holding her against him tightly. Both smiled contentedly when Mulder leaned to kiss her head and whisper goodnight.

Each drifted away with their own thoughts of their shared future, and although neither dared say it out loud…they both felt a small flicker of hope burning in their hearts.

 


	6. Elizabeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had to change the rating because Mulder and Scully went and got all carried away. It was all the excitement and heat of the moment - their fault, not mine!

When Mulder let himself into her apartment he had no idea what he was going to find.

Scully had insisted that she was 'fine', that it was just a checkup and that she had been in remission for a while now.

But Mulder had heard her vomiting yesterday morning.

Scully had brushed off his concerns casually; assuring him that it was probably something she'd eaten and he shouldn't worry over every little red flag.

He found Scully sitting on her couch, a mug of tea nestled in her hands. She looked up and he was greeted with a nervous smile.

"Something's wrong?" Mulder said, cold panic shooting through him as he dropped three files to the floor and rushed around to her side. He fell to his knees next to her, took the tea from her hands and placed it on the table before threading their fingers together and looking steadfastly into her eyes. "Tell me everything…" he encouraged softly.

Scully bit her bottom lip and smiled, "I can't find the words…I don't…"

Mulder shuddered, his mind was running through the possibilities and  _none_  of them was good.

Seeing the fear in her partner's eyes Scully rushed to reassure him. "I'm  _healthy,_  Mulder. I'm okay… _better_ than okay…" she smiled tearfully.

Looking as confused as he felt Mulder forced his heart to slow a little at that news and then raised an eyebrow.

"We haven't really talked about it. I mean, I know we have in an abstract sort of way… but I don't really know how you feel. The effect on your life, your work, our relationship…"

Mulder shook his head, completely bewildered by Scully's incoherent rambling and then brought his palm to her cheek in an attempt to calm her anxieties.

"I know you're amazing, you'd  _be_ amazing," she nattered on, a ball of nervous energy. "I've seen you, the way you are with children, the way they respond to you. But then that doesn't really mean anything, does it? It doesn't mean that you…"

Mulder's jaw dropped when his mind caught up with her words.  _"Children?"_  He interrupted with obvious awe.

"It wasn't until the doctor told me that I realised how much I want this…I want this with  _you_ , Mulder," Scully stopped talking and wordlessly looked into Mulder's eyes. She wasn't doing this right, she'd tried to plan what she was going to say, but then when she saw him her words had abandoned her.

Mulder edged closer and whispered almost reverently, "Oh God, Scully. Are you telling me that we're having a baby? _"_

Scully gnawed on her lip nervously and nodded, "Yes. I mean, how do you feel about this, Mulder? Is this too much?"

Mulder's smiled spread so wide across his face that it almost reached his ears and his eyes welled immediately,  _"Oh my God, Scully!"_

Scully smiled, both happy and relieved, "This is  _good_  then? You're happy?"

"Good? Of course, it's good!  _It's fucking amazing!"_  He stopped and placed his hand over her belly and apologised softly.

Scully laughed, tears falling down her face, "Are you  _actually_ apologising to our baby for your language?"

Mulder smirked and then leaned in to kiss her.  _"Our baby,"_  he smiled against her mouth and then trailed his lips across her cheek and down her neck.

"You're  _really_  happy?" Scully asked, her smile radiant as she lay back and Mulder climbed up to move over her body.

Mulder kissed down her neck.  _"Happy?_  I'm  _ecstatic!_  How could you ever doubt that?" He grinned and teasingly kissed and nibbled behind Scully's ear.

Scully actually giggled and squirmed underneath him, "We hadn't really talked about this, I was scared to get my hopes up and assume… I've only been clear for six months and we've never talked about having children. Are you sure this isn't too much too soon?"

"Too much of  _you?_  Not even possible." Mulder insisted and then tugged up her shirt and slid his hand under to grip eagerly onto her waist. "I want  _everything_  with you…"

Scully thrust her hips up from the couch at his words, gripping his own waist and pulling him down towards her. Her lips latched on to his impatiently, tongue sliding into his mouth and causing Mulder to groan so intensely that she swore she felt the vibrations all the way down to her clit.

Mulder tugged at her shirt, losing a couple of buttons on the way down and then moved to kiss, lick and suck her belly greedily, "A little bit of you and me, growing inside you…a  _whole_ little person…" Mulder murmured happily against her skin as Scully combed her fingers through his hair.

Scully laughed again joyfully (in spite of briefly grieving for her shirt) and then whispered sincerely, "I love you, Mulder. So much…" The apprehension that she had been feeling was long forgotten.

"We  _should_  move out of the city," Mulder said, quietly resting his cheek on her hip and trailing his fingertips softly around on her stomach. He casually slipped open the button and zip on her jeans and then stroked his fingers across the line of her panties.

Scully rolled her eyes,  _"Very_  funny, Mulder…"

Mulder grinned and looked up at his partner, "I'm  _serious,_  Scully. It would be safer for us…give us some distance from our past. Maybe even take the targets off our backs. It would be safer for  _her_  as well, D.C. is no place to raise a child."

Scully was shocked, "I never imagined that you would want to leave."

"Our work is important, Scully, but nothing means more to me than you…or this little bean," Mulder tapped two fingertips on her tummy.

Scully nodded tearfully and then thought through his words,  _"Her?"_

Mulder raised his eyebrows.

"You said 'safer for her', I wonder why…" Scully observed with a smile.

Mulder laughed, "I don't know, I guess I'm getting carried away imagining a gorgeous little girl, with bright red hair and your beautiful eyes."

"It's just funny, because as I drove home I thought of a little girl as well - only with long brown hair and golden-hazel eyes…" Scully grinned at him.

"My eyes and your hair," Mulder re-joined, thoroughly enjoying this game.

"Without my freckles…" Scully laughed.

"I _love_  your freckles!" He protested and reached up to tap her cheek. "Hopefully she'll get your nose," Mulder grinned.

"I love your nose!" Scully pouted a little and bopped her index finger on the end.

"Not for a girl!" Mulder teased happily.

Scully laughed again and wiggled down the couch to be level with him. She kissed his forehead, down the bridge of his nose and then slowly brought their lips together. "You're perfect," she smiled against his mouth.

"I love you," Mulder said and closed his eyes contently into their kiss.

After a few minutes, Scully pulled back a little, "Make love to me, Mulder…"

Mulder smiled and stood quickly, kicking off his shoes and then pulling down his pants and boxers while simultaneously managing to stand on the ends of his socks and tug them off.

He saw Scully laughing at his speedy work and then smiled down at her as she wiggled quickly out of her jeans and panties, tugged her shirt off her arms and quickly divested herself of her bra.

Mulder yanked his shirt and undershirt off with lightning speed as Scully climbed up on her knees.

_"Sit!"_  She directed eagerly and Mulder grinned.

No sooner had he sat down than Scully swung her leg over his lap and thrust down onto his solid cock.

"Ohhhhhh…Goooooood…." Mulder groaned, his head falling against the back of her couch and his hips naturally thrusting up towards her. "You…" he groaned again as Scully pulled up and thrust down hard, "…don't mess around."

He opened his eyes and beamed up at her, his hands finding her hips and his thumbs digging greedily into her skin.

"I'm a woman who knows how to take what she wants," Scully smiled down at him, her eyes sparkling as she slowed a little and kissed his lips lazily. Her tongue slid slowly along his before she nipped his bottom lip. "…And I want  _you,"_  she added with satisfaction.

"You  _got_ me, babe," Mulder chuckled roughly and slid the fingers of one hand up her spine and into his partner's hair, pulling  _just right_  on her locks. He tugged her mouth down to his again and whispered happily, " _All_ of me…fuck, I love you so much it physically hurts."

Scully laughed and clenched her inner muscles vice-like around his cock.

"Let's make it  _all_  better," She teased, her voice deep and husky with mock coyness. She thrust down three times, her nails digging into his shoulders and his teeth scraping down her throat as her orgasm took control. "Gahhhh, I think…I love your cock…almost as much…as I love you!" Scully gasped and then shrieked a little when Mulder pulled up and turned her onto her back.

Scully's hands dug into Mulder's hair and her legs came up around his waist, "Yeah, that's good," she smiled breathlessly as Mulder ploughed into her.

"Want you again…" Mulder growled and leaned down to suck and graze his teeth over her taut nipples.

"Yeah!" Scully confirmed as she felt her barely departed orgasm build again. "You feel  _amazing…"_

Mulder nibbled on her tender flesh and then sucked roughly as he felt her flex around him and pull him over the edge with her. He roared, his teeth pushing against her soft pink skin and cock grinding deep into her pulsing core.

* * *

"Oh… _damn…_ that was good…" Scully grinned broadly after a couple of minutes, two fingers tracing around the outside of his ear.

Mulder lay with his rough cheek on Scully's chest and leaned across to lick the side of her breast. " _So good…"_  He confirmed needlessly. "You may be the mother of my child, but you will always be a sex-goddess!"

Scully laughed and wrapped her carves tighter over his thighs to hold him in place. She pulled a blanket down off the couch to cover their legs and Mulder's back.

"You cold?" Mulder asked.

"Not especially, but I don't plan on moving for a while," She smiled down at him and leaned to kiss his temple.

"So we have each other, a baby on the way, and a move out of the city is on the table?" He looked up at Scully and she smiled and nodded.

" _Definitely_  on the table," She agreed.

"I draw the line at a station wagon…" Mulder stated with mock decisiveness.

Scully laughed when she remembered their argument and playfully smacked him upside the head.

_"Hey!"_  Mulder protested and exaggeratedly brought his hand up to rub his forehead. "If you're going to get abusive I might think about _not_  asking you…" He threatened weakly, but the fact that two of his fingertips were now circling around one of her tight nipples somewhat lessened any threat.

"Ask me?" Scully asked and then wiggled back down so her face was buried into his neck. She kissed and licked his warm skin for a second and then took a deep breath, enjoying his familiar scent.

"Well, a home in the suburbs, a baby on the way. I think I need to ask you a question…" Mulder teased.

_"No, Mulder!"_  Scully cut him off, suddenly realising where this was heading.

Mulder looked genuinely hurt.  _"No?"_  he asked weakly, panic clenching in his previously confident heart.

Scully's fingers caressed up and down his warm back soothingly, her nose still buried under his chin, her eyes closed. "Not like this, not because you feel…I don't want you to feel  _obligated…_ "

Mulder moved to Scully's side, pushing up on his elbow and gazing down at her. "And what if I've been trying to pick up the nerve for  _weeks?_  Or even  _years?_ What if you are the only woman I would ever consider asking? What if being Dana Scully's husband would be my number _one_  lifetime achievement? If every single crappy thing that has happened in my life would all feel worthwhile as long as you…"

_"Yes!"_  Scully cut-in again tearfully, pushing up to grip the back of his head and kiss him. "Yes, Mulder, yes!"

_"Yes?"_  Mulder asked with mock confusion and raised his eyebrows. "I don't believe I've actually asked you…I seem to remember someone halting me mid-flow talking crazy shit about me feeling  _obligated_  to marry the love of my life." He smiled and bit the inside of his cheek as he watched an exasperated/amused expression flood onto Scully's face.

"You're an asshole," Scully smirked and rolled her eyes.

Mulder laughed. "But I'm _your_  asshole," he reminded her.

"All  _mine,"_  Scully confirmed.

"So will you make me the happiest asshole in the universe and consent to be my wife?" Mulder asked, his eyes sparkling.

Scully's jaw clenched, "We're going to have to edit the details when my mom asks us how you proposed."

Mulder beamed and bent to swipe one of her nipples with his tongue, "Maybe add some clothes to the story?"

"And skip the 'assholes'…." She suggested hoarsely, her back arched and her eyes closed.

"So that's a  _yes?"_  Mulder grinned against her belly as her hands pushed his head south.

"Well, I'm kind of  _obligated_ …" Scully teased and then gasped when his teeth nipped lightly over her clit, "…not sure...anyone else...would… _oh fuck_ …have you..."

Scully felt Mulder grin against her and heard him murmuring softly.

**_"My_ ** _Scully."_

 

THE END


End file.
